Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
