my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
of course. lets lasso hookers.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
