dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
