It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
