I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize