tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Rumble strips road head = magical
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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