Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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