dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
