Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
