FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
