Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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