I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
