Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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