Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
