Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
