I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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