I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
