new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
