Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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