So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
