You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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