I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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