I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
