I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
