I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorry about my life...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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