Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize