I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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