Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is the high leading the old right now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
