I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
being pregnant is like rehab
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize