it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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