the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
