those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
