If that was your dad, he is hot
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
