Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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