I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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