woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
