I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize