I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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