Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
