well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
