glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize