Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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