Cold hands, warm shart.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
