I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
