It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
