I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My legs feel like baby dolphins
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
