his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
