I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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