Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
