my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
