His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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