Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
