Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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