Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
