Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he just fucked me for my cheese..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
