Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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