fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
