It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
