I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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