Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
