i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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