apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
