i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
