Porn is love you can see.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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