marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
