i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
