No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
