Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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