So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
