im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
