just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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